The 15 Biggest Douchebags of Gaming

Tingle – Legend of Zelda

That one weird guy who wants to become a forest fairy. We all know him right?
Thingle is so obsessed with becoming a forest fairy that he actually dresses up like one. If that wasn’t bad enough this guy is more flamboyant Liberace. No, I don’t want to buy a map you made while tripping out on fairy drugs.

Douche Rating: 4/10

The Dog – Duckhunt

What is this dogs problem? I just lost the game and your laughing at me? Why are you laughing? Everybody that has ever played Duckhunt knows the laugh. You simply cannot ignore it. I sincerely hope this dog gets euthanized.

Douche Rating: 10/10

Madden AI – Madden Series

It’s the 4th quarter, you’re up by 40. You’re playing against Micheal Vick and the Falcons. They are exhausted and demoralized. There is no way they can come back from this humiliating defeat. All I have to do is throw down some defense for five minutes and the game will be over. Touchdown, interception, fumble, and QB sneak. Your losing now. What…wait…how? This always seems to happen and always show how unbalanced the comeback AI in Madden truly is.

Douche Rating: 8/10

Dr. Nefarious Tropy – Crash Bandicoot: Warped

To this day I still remember my first rage quit. I was ten years old playing my brand new PlayStation. I had just purchased Crash Bandicoot and was almost done with the game. Then I ran into this guy. After about a month of trying, crying, and yelling, I finally beat him. What kind of name is Nefarious anyway?

Douche Rating: 2/10

Fisher the Breezebuilder – Spyro 2: Ripto’s Rage

trouble with
Trouble with the trolley, eh? Trouble with the trolley, eh? Trouble with the trolley, eh? Trouble with the trolley, eh? Trouble with the trolley, eh? Trouble with the trolley, eh? The horror. This bird is the definition of douchebag. If you wanted the job done right why don’t you just do it yourself? A stupid purple dragon isn’t going to help you out much.

Douche Rating: 7/10

Zero – Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

His face is banished from all existence as far as I am concerned. Here is a picture of his stupid RC plane that somehow has machine guns on it. It was a simple job. Take out the supply vans with a RC plane. First of all, Why do I need to use a RC plane? Secondly, why does this thing only stay in the air for 5 minutes? I still have never beaten this mission in Grand Theft Auto.

Douche Rating: 40/10

Oddjob – Goldeneye 64

Lets get this straight. If you picked Oddjob, you were a cheater. There is no ifs, ands, or buts. YOU ARE A CHEATER. Now that we have that out of the way. Why can’t this guy be hit? I don’t know and I will probably never know.

Douche Rating:The Guy Who Picked Oddjob/10

Raiden – Metal Gear Solid

Let us take that one whiny kid and put him as the main character in Metal Gear Solid 2. That is a brilliant idea. What was going through the head of Kojima when he decided this was a good idea?

Douche Rating: 2/10

Johnny Cage – Mortal Kombat

We all knew that one kid in middle school who like to punch everybody in the nuts. Well apparently one of those kids was Johnny Cage. Who punches people in the nuts on purpose? Seriously? When your fighting in the biggest Kung Fu tournament the universe has ever seen, your going to nutshot someone? Really?

Douche Rating: 2 Nutshots/10

The Adoring Fan – Elder Scrolls 4

In what is easily the creepiest character to ever exist, this guy follows you around after you win the gladiator tournament in Elder Scrolls 4. He says he will do anything for you and follows you around everywhere. Do me a favor and please go away.

Douche Rating: 2/10

Princess Peach – Mario

Why do I always have to save you? Whenever I do save you, all I get is a kiss? I just got through like 10 worlds, fought a million mushroom things, dealed with Bowser and his offspring, and I get a kiss. Seriously Peach, I hope Bowser just kills you one day.

Douche Rating: 10/10

The Beggers – Assassin’s Creed

Call me cold hearted, but I’m not giving a junkie any money for their “sick” family. In what is almost as bad as walking through San Francisco, these beggers will not stop. They constantly harass you for money and always get in your way.

Douche Ratting: 0 Coins/10

Jack – Mass Effect 2

By far the worst character to exist in the Mass Effect series. Jack is a entitled, selfish, coldhearted, elitist, grade-A douchebag. When not constantly starting fights with Miranda, Jack is rambling on about how much her childhood sucked. I don’t want to hear it. Go back to jail please.

Douche Rating: 10/10

Blue Shell – Mario Kart

Nothing is worse than beating your friends by a mile when you are suddenly hit by a blue shell. If it wasn’t bad enough, why do I automatically fall behind everyone when this happens. Seriously, if you shoot a blue shell I hope that your cart explodes by malfunction.

Douche Rating: 4/10

Almost Everyone on any AAA FPS Multiplayer Game

Sexism, racism, homophobia, little kids, adult kids, and many other things. Imagine the scum of the earth. Put a mask on all the scum. Tie up everybodys hands. The true nature of the people with the masks will show. This is what every major online FPS is like. Add with no consequences for their actions, the problem gets even worse. Many people have already refrained from playing online games just to avoid hearing these douchebags. If you play an online game and are a douchebag, stop.

Douche Rating: 1,000,000/10

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